Parental Alienation Syndrome Is Insidious and Difficult to Prove

Parental Alienation Syndrome (“PAS”) refers to an insidious and hard-to-prove family dynamic that may result in the child’s rejection of a perfectly fit, or at least perfectly redeemable, parent.  The target parent is most often the father and the targeting parent is most often the mother. 

The term PAS began to enter the family-law lexicon in the late 1980s due to the work of a child psychiatrist from Texas named Richard Gardner.  Dr. Gardner identified a cluster of symptoms that defines PAS including:

• It arises primarily in the context of a custody dispute;

• Unjustified or exaggerated denigration of the target parent; and

• Collusion between the child and the alienating parent.

To many practitioners, PAS is a crafty and pseudo-scientific excuse for domestic violence and denial.  Neither the courts in King County, where I practice, nor the social workers from Family Court Services, are sympathetic to PAS.  PAS is not recognized by the DSM – IV, the “bible” of the mental health industry.  In fact, if you claim PAS, you run a real risk of being automatically labeled an abuser and of sabotaging any chance you may have of obtaining a reasonable parenting plan.

Nonetheless, some parents do have a deep-seated psychological need to crush the other parent and to prove that they are right.  Typically, these parents view their children as an extension of themselves and control their children’s schedules, thoughts, feelings, and relationships with other people with a death grip.

The controlling parent will view any attempt to loosen this grip as an attempt to harm him/her.  Any validation of the child’s love for the targeted parent will be viewed as a repudiation of the child’s love for the controlling parent.  The child will know who butters their bread and will cast their lot accordingly.

The standard antidote for parental alienation is a change of custody from the alienating parent to the alienated parent.  This almost always requires a court order.  Obtaining such an order may be a Sisyphean task.